Totally Unwell

If you click on the pics they get bigger.

The Birthday Pair, on what can only be described as a Slippery Slope - or Slope that is now lubed.
Maaaaaand sporting her infamous Grin. Phil Spector has the Wall of Sound. Maaaaaand has the Wall of Grin.

Yer my wench now. Drink tha' juice 'n' shuddup. Thee knows its furt best.


Works Night out for the Michael Barrymore Pool Cleaners.




Jon says: Play with my ear, it makes me want to erupt like a lavanous volcano.

As is typical after especially good Aural sex, Jon enjoys a post coital nap.

However, like any barren Volcano, the only way to stir the fires back to life is to re-ignite. And this is what this mystery hand intended to do.

When Puberty has only had an effect on certain parts of your body, you have to look at ways of compensating. Here Ed is rumbled with his imaginatively constructed Sideburn Curtains.
Resplendent, but now the secret is out. Can respect remain?

When you're a small town boy coming to the smoke looking for adventure, some things can be a little overwhelming.

Here Adrian coo's a much speckled, pink feathered hen. Rare in the North, but plentiful in the Gravy Tower.

Herr Hough, who was the Young Knaves' guardian for weekend, shows his shock at such overt rubbing.

Whilst shenanigans were well and truly under way, I decided to bring some decorum to proceedings by doing some freelance antique bothering. Here is me with a nice looking vase. Possibly Ming. Probably Argos.




This is what Happens when Northern Monkey attacks.

Is the look on John's face Mild Worry or Fear?.

Whilst the Squealing Vic has to ward off future rubbings, by developing a "stern look".

Luckily Vic has married a guy who carries a reflex hammer. This should repel future interference.

A text book example of how to "gather in" for a photo.


Here is me showing Maaaaand how to snare Antelope on the wild plains of the Serengeti. Sal plays the Antelope. She took 2 hrs to get into Character - and a further 1hr to get that "unsuspecting" look.

All in all an excellent 30th celebration, with the promise of many more next year when the rest of us fall into the abyss.

To finish things off here is a selection of the best hardcore action group shots from the evening.

In another interesting twist to the blog, I am going to "flag up" the strange and weird things that make living in Coppull such a bewildering experience. I entitle this pictorial series - "I saw a Funny thing Today".

1. Porn in Bushes. I don't think this is just a Coppull phenomenon but I have to say that the Coppull Porn User is probably not ready for the hardcore stuff. See how this example of Coppull porn has the pugilists "love tools" censored.





2. Are Local Criminals stupid? or have they tapped into a useful way of off loading stolen cars. If I was selling stolen cars, I don't think I would be advertising on the side of the 50ft Lorry. Mind you, what do I know? I am not 'in the game'.





3. Don't Do Drugs Posters in Pubs. This example obviously protrays an understanding of the mind altering effects Drugs can have on people. Look how the Typeface for "Drugs" has not been intentionally justified. Trippy Man.

What made them Capitalise the Word "BANNED" and not "POLICE"?. Obviously being barred from this pub is worse than a 10 stretch - you slag.

4. Patronising OAP Menu. This is a fantastic example of how a pub, in this case the Dog & Partridge, Charnock Richard, tries to simplify food options to the old.

As I still have all my faculties, and understand that people are not always trying to poison me (usually with foreign muck), I went with the Scottish Wood Pigeon (on the Young Persons Menu to the right).

However Ham & Egg does sound tres bon

A Bus Full Of Morris Dancers, Outside My House.......With My Reputation.

Which in this case was probably Fred, when the realisation he was getting married finally hit home.

Obviously the nerves got to me as well, judging by the awfulness of the shots. Anyways the wedding was deemed a success as Jen and Fred got legally bonded, which I think is as about as romantic as things get. Actually scrap that, the most romantic thing is bringing another couple into the mix on your honeymoon. Romantic and Spicy. Excellent.

I am starting to absorb a wealth of experience from guesting at various weddings, so here are my top 10 wedding tips.

1. Never invite Pirates to Weddings or any other form of Sea Faring pillager. Vikings would be included in this (C/O Fred & Jens Wedding)

2. Keep Mushroom consumption to a minimum (C/O Sal & Eds Wedding)

3. You may like "An Officer and a Gentleman", but it is probably best to keep this quiet (C/O Mick & Lisa's Wedding)

4. Don't sit me next to a) a guy called Tarquin b) 16 month old baby c) Jenny From the Block d) police officers e) my parents and expect sensible behaviour. It just won't happen.

5. Never leave until the married couple have gone to bed. Make sure you have made no prior plans on how to get home. It is always more fun trying to figure out this conundrum drunk at 3.00am.

6. Never Volunteer for a round. Just don't (C/o Most Weddings but especially Helens Wedding)

7. Make sure you eat as many sausage rolls as you can at the evening buffet. You will flag without the pastry & meat savoury. If Rolls not available bulk up on Vol au vents.

8. Never allow a full on Rave / Tranceathon to develop on the dancefloor. Old Men naked from the waist up should never been seen girating at a wedding (C/o Elaine & Carls Wedding)

9. However do allow any multi instrumentalist at the gathering to bash away for 5 minutes, on a flute for example (C/o Mand & Johns Wedding)

10. Make sure you enjoy the day, as after all Weddings are for the Guests. Don't let the Bride & groom tell you otherwise.