Totally Unwell

Probably the only positive thing to come out of tonight's game is the fact we don't meet the Germans. Clive Tyldesley was as intolerable as usual, whilst I suffer the embarassment of seeing Joe Cole score from a Wellied Strike. Yes it was a welly.



I am going to spend the night rubbing my ball to calm me down.

Now slow down boy, you'll make yourself sick

Luis Valencia, playing for Ecuador is sporting a fairly awesome haircut. Straight out of "Coming To America". Not quick enough to get him on the telly, but imagine his bouffant slightly longer, curlier and shiny.

For your enjoyment see this: http://soulglowz.ytmnd.com

On my morning saunter around the metripole this morning, I saw the strangest thing. So strange I thought I would share it with you all.

As you might have guessed Crisp have been a bedrock of enjoyment throughout the World Cup so far, with many varieties of maize and chemicals. Therefore it was only right that there should be a world cup of Crisp.

The Following Crisp Progress to the Quarter Finals

1. Cheese Moments (beat Quavers. Contain soft Chemical Cheese. Sold in Pub)





2. Bacon Fries (beat Bacon Frazzles in a tough All Bacon Affair. These sold in pub so win)




3. Bacon Wheat Crunchies (Beat Burger Bites in Extra Time. Wheaty Tubes have more staying power)






4. Seabrooks (Beat Flamin Hot Monster Munch. Crinkle Cut gives subtle flavour, whilst Flamin Monster Munch were too strong, Chemical Factor turned to 11)





5. Cheesy Nik Naks (beat Skips, nobbly texture beats "melt in the mouthability".





6. Chip Sticks (beat French Fries, thicker chips - a more English Chemical Crisp than the American Fries).





7. Space Raiders (beat Onion Rings, All the chemicals you need and cheaper than the rings)





8. Fish 'n' Chips (beat Wotsits, questionable entry but the biscuit texture wins the day. A good sturdy snack, that doesn't leave fur in your mouth)





To decide who wins this World Cup battle. Vote in the TotallyUnwell Crisp Poll.

Gallant Losers

The pressure must be getting to the managers, yesterdays anticts made me look normal (and I have sat through half the World Cup). Prime nut job was Tunisian manager Roger Lemerre. I thought he was going to turn into a werewolf.

The other was Marcos Paqueta, who describes himself as the educator.

He spent the entire game playing some form of Solitaire / Subbuteo - Solibutteo. Here he is "in a world of his own".

It didn't help him much, as they got hammered. The 3 games a day disciplined approach I was taking is now over, and the pace is beginning to let up.

But now I have more time for "extra curricular" activity, just like a certain Brazilian Forward will have - if rumours of him being dropped are true. Here he is running away from those nasty bullies who keep calling him overweight.

England are set to be starting with "popular" Owen Hargreaves today. Which I am sure will go down well with many England Fans.

I have Mussel Meat, Cheese and Port for tonight's game - as it could be the last time I see England in the World Cup this year. We will just have to postpone the flight, which I am sure some of the party won't need much help in doing.

Morning Bargain Hunters

So as the sun came out, I put my tux back in its Disco Cabinet and went about making some much needed money out of the local bring & buyers (as Blue Peter like to say).

As you can see I had a fine selection of wares.
From (L-R)

1. A large log - a lot of bark, perfect for Peg manufacture. Estimate £1.17
2. A Royal Doulton Spanish Lady. Would set off any Mantlepiece. Estimate £0.87
3. Yorkshire Brass Band Tragi-Comedy "Brassed Off". Estimate £17.32
4. Three Empty Hoegaarden Bottles. Perfect for keeping Hoegaarden in. Estimate £0.12 each
5. Washington Redskins NFL helmet, as worn by me on the blog. Contains real helmet sweat Estimate £16.11
6. 200 piece Power Ranger Jigsaw. Estimate 1p a piece.
7. Half a Packet of Cornflakes, perfect for that "Half Full, Half Empty" philosophical debate you can have. Estimate £0.97
8. Connect 4 with no pieces - No Longer For Sale, I am going to keep it for all the filthy lucre this sale will bring.

None of these items have a reserve, if you want to bid - do it through the comment function. However any kid who can do a swap with a Lee Majors Fall Guy Action Figure will take precedence.

So 70's playboy has took an early lead in the poll, so to appease the voters, I took to my bike early this morning. Well as you can see I looked rather dapper, especially in the field environment. It has to be said that the Tux didn't half scare the cows away. I think it was the razor sharp crease I was sporting.

Extremely annoying Budweiser advertising is one of my gripes so far with the World Cup. That and ITV, Ian Wright, Mick McCarthy, Clive Tyldesley, this guy from the BBC, the "awful" Carol Kirkwood (not putting a picture of her on though), "Old Boy" banter amongst the "interesting" BBC pundit team and lastly Joe Cole. All these idiots make me miss Garth Crooks. His deliberate questions, slow nods of approval and hand clasping is really needed. Bring Garth back.

Whilst I am getting this off my chest, this motley crew are also a blight on most World Cup Half Time Breaks. C*cks the lot of them. Talk Sport, Talk B*ll*cks more like.

Anyway, I seem to be back on the Google listings after seemingly being barred, I might be able to get my lebanese friends back now.