Totally Unwell

Gastro-enteritis. Don't know what this means, but touch wood I haven't caught anything yet - and that means I am probably the only one in my extended family that hasn't enjoyed the visitation of this "Joe Cole" of bugs.

The bug has been so widespread I nearly had to call for Sapeurs Pompiers, Coppulls Instant Response Unit.

Question of the World Cup: How long will it take Ally McCoist to "go through" Gabby Logan?

a) It's already happened
b) Group Stages
c) Knockout Stages
d) Final
e) Ally's lost it. It's Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, Gabby should be watching

Disappointment, Disappointment, Disappointment. I had even readied myself for a complete inept display, but England have a habit of going that one step further (than even the deepest pessimist allows). As is the "overatedness" of England, EJP was supporting Trinidad and Tobago for the whole match.

Jamie "The Orginal Robot" Carragher was again totally out of his depth, and looked as uncomfortable as any footballer will be in the World Cup (apart from Dwight Yorke in the first half when he got struck in the midrift).

The only saving grace(s) is that Shrek is back, Lennon looks infinitely better than any winger we have, and Owen might finally be dropped. Joe Cole "the Gimp" was probably the player I shouted at the telly the most at. An intolerable blight on the World.

Peter Crouch didn't do the Robot, but that might be due to his recent change in lifestyle.

Managed to get some rays outside in the "Germanic" heatwave of Coppull. My legs (and especially calves) are very painful right now.

Looking forward to the England game. But here are some shots of the Ecuador match. I didn't think Carl was an Ecuadorian.

Going topless in the garden, has made me realise that my bruising is becoming 'slightly' worrying. No more Wrestling, till I get in shape.

Apparantly Ecuador use a real Witch Doctor before the game to remove Evil Spirits. So that will probably mean that Gary Neville will again be missing if we face them.

Went on the mission, but inadvertently got drawn to the world reknowned BMX track in Coppull. Not been there since I was a wee nipper, but I had the entire track to myself this morn. Pulled off a few neat tricks, and managed to master the racing line on my fourth ride round. Suspension came into its own on the bumps.

Couldn't find any roof dwellers or hole hiders in Coppull, so travelled up into Chaz Dick (Charnock Richard). Found a man on a roof quite easily, but it was tricky taking a photo of him - without him noticing, didn't want him to think I was from the benefits office. Managed to hide behind his vehicle and pounce at an opportune moment.

People in holes was a completely different matter however. Headed off into Eccleston, Mawdesley and Wrightington - but nobody around. However I did spot a Men at Work sign in Wrightington at the end of a country lane. Cycled for about half a mile looking for men in a hole, but to no avail. Cursed a lot. Wasn't entirely a wasted journey though as I did see The Windmill pub in Eccleston sporting a England Flag Mural (lovely stuff).

All in all I am starting to put some mileage into my legs, which has to be a good thing. Still feel rough though. Came back through Standish, so it was nice to see the sign for Coppull.

I wonder if the town of Szekesfehervar has a sign saying

"Szekesfehervar, Twinned with Coppull"

Going to Spar to top up on Chemical Crisp and Steak Canadians.

Todays task will be quite hard, but one I am willing to try. I think capturing People on Roofs may be fine, but Down Holes may be harder. I'll see how it goes.

England v T&T (not the courier people) tonight, which with a win will seal our progression to the next round. However take a closer look at the ranks of the Trinidad team and they have smuggled in a homegrown chav to play for them. Going by the name of Chris Birchall. Reputedly plays for Port Vale, I think they will swap him for Robbie Williams' professional friend Jonathan Wilkes before KO though.

I saw his video diary last night at half time, and he was even showing a resplendent chav (maori-style) tatoo. Looks like he will also play in White Boots, with bits of red. Looks like a couple of cans of Red Stripe to me.

Gary Neville looks doubtful (I always thought he just looked retarded), with some leg type injury. However I believe the England squad have played a "Gareth from The Office" style prank, which means he can't get his boots.

Felt very odd during the latter stages of last nights match. Not feeling much better this morning, could have the first hangover of the World Cup so far. I might need to mix up the sessions of strong beers with something a bit weaker (like meths). Only 2 Weissbier left now, but a battalion of strong Belgian Ales are waiting to ambush me today.

Haven't started hallucinating yet, but there is something not sitting quite right. The left eye has started flickering and I have taken to staring into space. All I need to do now is start rocking, and my progression to madness will be complete.

I think some fresh air and an omelette will help. In search of that little extra something to get me through day 7 of the World Cup, I will take to wearing my lucky belt.