Totally Unwell

England v T&T (not the courier people) tonight, which with a win will seal our progression to the next round. However take a closer look at the ranks of the Trinidad team and they have smuggled in a homegrown chav to play for them. Going by the name of Chris Birchall. Reputedly plays for Port Vale, I think they will swap him for Robbie Williams' professional friend Jonathan Wilkes before KO though.

I saw his video diary last night at half time, and he was even showing a resplendent chav (maori-style) tatoo. Looks like he will also play in White Boots, with bits of red. Looks like a couple of cans of Red Stripe to me.

Gary Neville looks doubtful (I always thought he just looked retarded), with some leg type injury. However I believe the England squad have played a "Gareth from The Office" style prank, which means he can't get his boots.