Totally Unwell

Observation: Why do the Eye-Tie supporters lyricise most of their songs to the beat of the banana splits.

Tra la la, la la la la, tra la la, la la la la.
Tra la la, la la la la, tra la la, la la la la.

One banana, two banana, three banana, four,
Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more

The intolerable Eye-ties seem to have sewn up the group. Th'oud Nedved is trying his best but the Czech's look Check Mated (c/o John Motson). Commentator / ManBoy Mark "Not So" Bright is having a whale of a time. So excited, I can imagine him rubbing his legs until stuff spurts from him.

In fact the BBC are having so much fun crossing from each "Death Match" I am sure the corporation will frictionally combust with all the leg rubbing.

Everton wastrel Marco Materazzi scored for the Eye-ties, and now Polak (he of the Motson Quote, "Polak was Pole Axed") has been sent off for sporting a terrible Chav Beckham haircut. I think it was gel holding the mullet in place, but it could have been Mark Bright's paste.

The best thing about the Ghana match is that Pimpong is playing. He even got a "harsh" penalty for them.
Also Marcel Desailly is turning on Martin O'Neill. He will lamp him by the end of the 2nd Half.

If Tom Cruise is John Motson and The Bear is Mark Bright. Imagine the fun they are having in the commentary booth. Too much fun.

Several packets of Seabrooks for the person who can guess who Mark Bright sprays his love over on a regular basis (see top right).

Sooner than later. At least I now have some signage for my return

As you will notice bits of the blog have been disappearing. But never fear, they are now neatly archived (that's a first for me). Just click on the dates down the left hand side, and it will take you to great blog entry's such as Glenn Roeder Popsicle and Adrian going into the back entrance of a Porn Shop.

Keep Cool, Kids.

A nice little Belgian Blonde to start the day. Floreffe Biere D'Abbaye. Nicely golden, white head and smooth on the palette.

Only a big tray of Mussel Meat and Bombay Bad Boy can accompany such a delightful ale.

Might bring out the Onion Cheese soon.

Even though the World Cup so far has been pretty good in terms of entertainment and skill it will never eclipse Mexico 86. Mexico 86 had it all, and in order for you to enjoy it as it was back in the day, I have produced a guide for you to follow.

1. Record All Games that are on prior to 8.00 (you can watch the 8.00 match) watch them back no sooner than 10.00 pm. This should take you through to 2.00 the following morning. In the dead of night no one can disturb your viewing.

2. To recreate that hazy TV picture, that proved the World Cup was far, far away will be difficult. Especially in the age of HD TV. I suggest rubbing Vaseline across the screen. This should reduce the perception of hard edges and create better pixelation.

3. Get Yourself a Wall Chart (and put it on your wall)
Also mow concentric circles into your garden.


4. Buy yourself a Pique Figure

5. Start Collecting Your Stickers. I already have Jan Molby on Swap.

6. Relive the Games on your Spectrum 48K. Mexico 86 was cutting edge.

7. Improve your Geography. Magyarorszag, Belgique - Belgie, Maroc all exist. People live there.

8. With Your Adidas Azteca Tango ball recreate the goals in the back garden. Like Michael Laudrup v Uruguay




9. Get yourself a decent nickname like Josimar or Socrates. "The Plug" will no longer do.

With all these Pointers I am sure you will have the time of your life, and remember it is 20 years since Mexico 86 so you can now drink, and not be forced to go shopping on a Saturday.


Awesome

Been very disappointed with the standard of celebration, even the most innovative - the Peter Crouch Robot - was before the World Cup.

Only the "Mask" by Kaviedes has an element of originality about it. Most goal celebrations have been as interesting as an Alan Shearer hand in the air salute.
At least Klose from Germany got off the ground, and Ivory Coast attempted the hokey cokey. Hopefully as the stakes rise the choreography will improve. The 11 player "Pile On" is so last year.

We have new technology used on the boots, kit, stadiums and footballs but nothing on celebrations. I put forward the "Storm Trooper Bump & Grind"

Group Of Death is Upon Us

As this is the last day of the Group stages (and probably the most competitive one at that - as it involves the awesome Group of Death) it is a good idea to have a little retrospective at the "Greatest Show On Earth". Bar Siegfried & Roy obviously.

The first thing that has been obvious are the amount of gifts on show. Each team before entering combat have been exchanging some lovely pennants. Some defending could be protrayed as "Gift Like" -David Beckham on corners comes immediately to mind, whilst Ally McCoist has been giving Gabby Logan one for the entire tournament.

However the king of all gifts surely was the Iranians massive tapestry they handed to Mexico on the opening day of their campaign. "A lovely piece" as Hugh Scully, would say.

To quote some shadowy figure off the web, "Márquez (the Mexican captain, who only had a little flag) looked a little embarrassed, like someone who'd brought a four-pack of Foster's to an ambassador's reception".

Indeed.

For the England match with Ecuador, I think Beckham should bring forth items that would accurately represent the English nation in the 21st Century. Therefore I suggest, a boxset of "Are You Being Served" and a large poster of Dogs Playing Poker.

With Gifts like this I think it will smooth our passage to the next round.