Totally Unwell

So yet another wedding to find myself in. Well this one proved to be "heavy" in the old biblical sense. Ironically, for a wedding it was the aptly named "Wife Beater", Stella that was to do the damage. So much so, that still to this day Stella has not entered the Phillips constitution again.
Of course my resplendent wedding suit saw the light of day again, however the "Jesus Saves" belt was banned on this occassion - which on balance was a mistake. Pretty soon on I got light headed, but this might have had something to do with the fact I had balloons tied to my head.

If I was light headed, Adrian was down right leathered. Literally.

Here is Brother In Law to the stars, Dave "The Untamed Beast" Robinson abusing the drunken mess. Look at the madness in his eyes.

Last time eyes as alarming as these were seen was in the movie American Werewolf in London.

The downside to all this high jinx however was that I then had to sleep on the floor, because I got locked out of the room.
Obviously a bad showing by the boy, even out lasted by Sophie - and she even drunk more. Check out the sly dummy dunking approach, a more mature way of pacing yourself. However when your mothers' main dance move is the "Pointed Finger", the future looks bleak. So stop smiling little one.

Up above the Streets and Houses
Rainbow Climbing High

Who is tall, well dressed and has a unerring knack of scaring off birds? Don't jump the gun it's not me but the denizen of the field, the Scarecrow. Made famous by Worzel Hedgerow Gummidge, the Scarecrow has had something of a renaissance in recent times. In fact the Scarecrow Festival was introduced in an attempt to put Charnock Richard on the Map. This will be a boon for local shops and tourism, but another annoying problem for cartographers.

Cries of, "Tear up your maps we have to start again, Charnock Richard has appeared on the landscape", can be heard at draughtsman's tables the land over.

With the Crows notable by their absence, it allowed me to make this pictorial blog without the fear of any "bird bombs from above". In fact all the Crows were reported to have flown to London, where Pete Doherty declared "Stone the Crows". Harumph.

It was a day that could only be described as "lovely", and we entered the other world through the portal that is Coppull. The first Scarecrow to coax us in was this "Road Maintenance" attempt. We were later told by people who could only be described as "local" that this Scarecrow had taken to slowing down speeding traffic as drivers thought it was a Policeman. To this I replied that a) a Policeman moves much more slowly than a Scarecrow and b) any Policeman worth his/her salt would have inevitably given up after 15 minutes and gone somewhere for a cup of tea and a biscuit.

This Followed with Nods all around.

The problem with such events in small hamlets is that it allows the locals to show off their unheralded wit, which under normal circumstances they have to conceal under fully formed bushes, or Charnock Richard's case Hedegerows.

As you can see whilst Charnock Richard Folks, or ChazDicks as they have sometimes been known are an imaginative people, they do still lack basic spelling and grammatical skills (which surely is the result of being an isolated community, having been "off the map" for so long). The good news regarding this, is that with the money raised from the Scarecrow Festival - the Charnock Richard motto of "Wheel make thins better" will no longer be a pipe dream.

The next stop was to see Mr & Mrs Hough (the role models) for the young Ed Hough, lovingly recreated using the medium of straw. The quote "Let's Get Dressed Up" on the sign is a particularly fruity in-joke shared by the Houghs - which due to enforced legal sanctions cannot be elaborated on through this blog.
If I thought this would be the last I would see of Ma Hough, I would be pleasantly mistaken. Which was a first.

With the extra flow of "outsiders" into Charnock Richard, some locals complained that the village was beginning to become like "that London". I thought that was an exagerrated claim, but obviously some of the community thought "better safe than sorry".


As we got closer to the main nubbin of the village, it became clear that the pounding of the streets was beginning to leave its mark on one Scarecrow fancier.

At least he would cheer himself up, by "borrowing" some Corn Plasters from this lovely old woman that he lead to the Graveyard. However is accomplice seemed to be a little worse for wear.

There was a definite smell of excitement in
the air, as we cantered towards the "Guy who had a load of Owls and things in a tent". So when we actually caught sight of these wonderful creatures we had to get on our knees and praise the lord - especially as at £3.50 a pop - it was a bargain.

Wallace and Gromit was a very popular attempt by the public, however how scared a crow will be from these plasticine inspired characters is another matter - and this should be considered at next years idea planning stage. If you really want to scare crows, or in fact any small animal I suggest you do what this guy did.


When you take the secrets from your bedroom to the streets you have to be admired.
With Sun now beating down, you could hear the the Straw begin to crackle and smoulder. So much so, I thought that there would be massive fires caused by the spontaneous combustion of these flammable citizens.

It would have been a sorry state if Charnock Richard was scorched "off the map" after going to so many great lengths at getting back on it.

Luckily the dangers didn't take hold (not like the Scarecrows would have done if a naked flame arrived at the party), so everyone could rest easy and enjoy their weak lemony drinks.

Hollywood was represented by these lovely recreations. I am sure you can guess the movies?


With the Parade commencing at 3.00 we skipped down Church Lane, and enjoyed the lovely display that Paul had arranged at his Golf Course. Good Effort. However it was the consensus that his near neighbours may have upstaged him.
All "Efforts", but I would suggest, the creations of people with dark & twisted minds.

This kind of thing at the School looks particularly weird and disconcerting. If Tim Burton was here, he sure would have plenty of ideas for his next movie.

The Parade was tres bon, but the reason for all the excitement was to see Ma Hough dressed as a Scarecrow. Drum roll please..........

Obviously the Question follows:

What is scarier Ma Hough dressed as Scarecrow, or the Guy in a Parrot Outfit?

Looking forward to next year. Already collecting the straw.